This one
should fit some folks out there...That have these
pro-pet thoughts 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To
be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet
nose height...
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw
prints are yours and contain your food.
The
other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish,
nor
do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.
The
stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster
than you can run.
I
cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
I am very sorry about this.
Do
not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep.
It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I
also know that sticking tails straight out and
having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
For
the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom.
If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get
the door shut,
it
is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn
the knob or
get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door
open.
I
must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
--canine or feline attendance is not required.
The
proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog
or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, to pacify you, my dear pets, I have
posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet
Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3.
I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal.
To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short,
hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids
because they:
1. Eat
less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are
easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out
with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9.
Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a
gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they
get pregnant, you can sell their children.